Before I finished my studies at University, I already state my mind to find a job that can support my family and me. Since, I realize it is very hard to see how my mother struggles to support six of her children and her husband too.
It is very painful when I have not enough money to buy a dinner and need to asked my mother to send sum of money, is very painful when realized that money also very important to my other sibling too. What I can say, I almost want to drop off from university when thinking about that with the expensive course that I taken.
However, I tried to figure with just take dinner, tried to cut my breakfast and dinner, and even tried to keep every single of cents in my pocket. Of cause, I mad at my father since he never takes those responsibilities that he supposed to do as father and husband. How loser my father it is. Just forget it.
I still remember, how struggled I am to attend interview at many place. Even, I do not have time to feel that I just finished my studies and I should take a rest at home for a while. After settle attend interviewed at Kuala Lumpur, I went to Penang to get the opportunity there.
After all, I got the job and tried to figure out how to survive here with the small salary, stayed with strangers at small flat. How hard my life that time, my family never knows. Year after years, I just feel comfortable with my life even I need to cut my budget to support my life expenses and to support my family too. I just want to make sure my other sibling did not feel the same thing as what I facing before this and I want my mother workless since she is getting older. She deserves it.
When I get used with my lifestyle and I tried to keep my money since I love to travel because this is one of my dream but at the same time I feel guilty enough when think I still have brother and sister still in school for me to support them. However, people do not understand, I rather not to go out for lunch or dinner to achieve my dream at the same time still support my family.
Honestly, I quite like with my lifestyle with staying alone without other person at my home. Just give me peaceful in my entire life. I can do anything what I want without second opinion. In addition, if people said I am lying or try to hide my loneliness, that person is totally out of mind. I heart my life now.
Sometimes it is just painful when people though that I am selfish and never think about family especially when it comes from family members. Just because I am single and stay all by myself, it does not mean that I have easy life, it is not easy after all. Everything is my own without someone can support me.
Either, I am responsible or being selfish to my family or not, only me know what I am doing, I do not care what people think. Full stop.
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